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Looking for a wife

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Fred is 34 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her." -
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Mens best friends

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A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure And comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible... No wait... SORRY. I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that shit. Never mind...... - By
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Interoffice Memo

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TO: ALL EMPLOYEES FROM: Human Resources It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of TRY SAYING new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees. SO... TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: When the hell do you expect me to do this? TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible. INSTEAD OF: No fuckin way!! TRY SAYING: Really? INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me. TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with... INSTEAD OF: Tell someone
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